of the week. con carne. store.

Dick Winters - Hero of Band of Brothers.

Abram A. Heller - USCG rescue swimmer who went head-first into a brutal storm on the Bering Sea and saved 8 men from a deadly shipwreck.

Max Hardberger - This guy steals $10 million cargo ships from pirates. Professionally.

Gordon and Shughart - Delta Force snipers who fought a heroic last stand in Mogadishu.

Jacqueline Cochran - The most accomplished female pilot in history.

SEAL Team Six - The United States' elite counter-terrorist task force.

Cherokee Bill - The toughest, meanest, and most feared outlaw in the Indian Territories.

Dudley Morton - WWII U.S. submarine commander who once destroyed an enemy ship with Molotov cocktails.

Jack Johnson - the first black Heavyweight Boxing Champion of the World

Joseph Lozito - The New York Subway Hero.

Myles Standish - Personal enforcer of the Pilgrims at Plymouth Rock.

Salvatore Giunta - The first living recipient of the Medal of Honor since Vietnam.

Jonathan R. Davis - A lone gunslinger who took down an entire bandit gang by himself.

William McBryar - Buffalo soldier and twenty-year U.S. Army veteran, he received a Medal of Honor fighting the Apache and was one of the first black officers in the history of the U.S. military.

John Basilone - Marine Corps legend and hero of Guadalcanal and Iwo Jima.

Marcus Luttrell - Lone survivor of one of the bloodiest days in the history of the SEALs.

Lewis Millett - Veteran of three wars led the last bayonet charge in U.S. history.

Mitchell Paige - One Marine on Guadalcanal takes on 2,500 Japanese and wins.

Stephen Colbert - I shamelessly plug my book by writing about the TV's most badass talk show host.

Bruce Crandall - Gutsy helicopter pilot repeatedly flew into a hot LZ to save his men.

Ryan Cooper - Off-duty firefighter charged into a burning building to save two people.

Evel Knievel - The crazy daredevil whose insanity has become the stuff of legend.

Henry T. Elrod - WWII Marine Aviator takes on 22 planes by himself over Wake Island, then leads infantry in a desperate last stand.

Buzz Aldrin - Fighter pilot, astronaut, moonwalker, face-puncher.

Amelia Earhart - America's most famous aviatrix.

Kenneth L. Reusser - The most decorated aviator in Marine Corps history.

Ron Speirs - The cold-blooded Captain of Easy Company.

Han Solo - The badass gunslinger from a galaxy far, far away.

Hannah Duston - Frontierswoman escapes from her captors by killing them all with an axe.

Doc Holliday - The infamous half-insane, alcoholic, gunfighting dentist.

Seth E. Howard - Green Beret fought off terrorist ambush with a sniper rifle and a rocket launcher.

Jason Voorhees - Happy Friday the 13th.

John L. Sullivan - Last of the great bare-knuckle boxers.

Geronimo - Apache warrior fought a twenty-five year war against both the U.S. and Mexico.

Nikola Tesla - King of the mad scientists.

Liver-Eating Johnson - It's not just a clever name.

Edwin J. Hill - Navy Boatswain saved his ship from destruction during the raid on Pearl Harbor.

Joseph Kittinger - USAF test pilot skydived from lower orbit.

Zachary Taylor - 40-year military veteran, war hero, and 12th President of the United States.

M3 the Wolverine - The Alpha Male of the most insane family of ferocious mammals North America has to offer.

Josey Wales - Joined a band of Confederate guerillas to avenge the murder of his wife and son.

Eric Pianka - Field biologist who specializes in desert reptiles, buffalo, and falconry; and when he's not wrestling deadly animals he's working on his theories on human population control.

Jesse Owens - Athlete who gave Hitler a run for his dirty Nazi money during the 1936 Olympic Games.

Chuck Yeager - World War 2 pilot and the first person to ever break the sound barrier, Chuck tested planes, broke speed records, and trained astronauts for the United States for 3 decades.

Marvin Heemeyer - After getting dicked up and down by City Hall, Marvin took matters into his own hands and welded together a killdozer (you heard me) to stick it to the man.

Marquis de Lafayette - With a major axe to grind on England's face, Lafayette joined forces with George Washington during the American Revolution to help cock slap the British.

George S. Patton - US general in World War II, and whose actions define what it is to have balls.

Osceola - American Indian who challenged the United States in the age old disagreement between American Indians and white people of the principles of land ownership.

Chesty Puller - Rose through the ranks of the Marines from Private to three star General, busting all kinds of balls along the way.

Jason Bourne - So good at his job that even amnesia couldn't take him down.

Alvin York - Single-handedly killed 28 German soldiers and captured 132 more in a single day, no big deal.

MacGyver - The spy who can make bitchin escape tools out of virtually nothing (and a little duct tape).

Benjamin O. Davis, Jr. - Flipped a large middle finger to segregation and became the first African-American general of the United States Air Force.

John Barclay Armstrong - The Texas Ranger that all old west outlaws feared.

John Henry - The Steel-Driving man, and the American working-class hero.

Elliot Stabler - The fictional cop that every real cop should look up to.

William Travis - Fought alongside other badasses like Davy Crockett and James Bowie in the Battle of the Alamo. They were all disappointed to find out that there is no basement in the Alamo.

Jack McCoy - He will cut your shit down, with justice.

Indiana Jones - The most badass archaeologist to ever throw a Nazi into an airplane propeller.

James T. Kirk - Captain on the Starship Enterprise, and made the Judo Chop what it is today.

The Punisher - Has no compunction about fucking your shit up after his wife and kid were murdered.

The A-10 Warthog - Pants-shitting awesome asplode machine.

Snake Eyes - A GI Joe so awesome they had to put testicles on the action figure.

Jose M. Lopez - Single-handedly killed a dickload of Germans with a machine gun during WWII.

Ben Thompson - Gunslinger who at one point or another held every badass occupation in the Old West.

Dan Daly - One of only two people to receive the medal of honor twice.

Andrew Jackson - United States President who didn't mind an occasional bullet to the chest, and would shoot your shit down if you looked at him wrong.

Leigh Ann Hester - American MP who was the first woman to earn a silver star since WWII.

Wesley Autrey - Saved a film student from a moving subway train by jumping onto the tracks.

Beck Weathers - Almost died scaling Mount Everest, but ended up walking down the mountain, in the dark, with frostbite in nearly every single appendage.

John Wayne - The quintessential American.

Audie Murphy - The most decorated soldier in American history.

David Bleak - Combat medic who took down the enemy with his bare hands in order to save his buddies.

The Headless Horseman - Headless. Horseman. Christopher. Motherfucking. Walken.

The Baroness - Female criminal mastermind, bane to GI Joes.

Susan Kuhnhausen - Even a hitman with a claw hammer couldn't shake this woman's focus.

The B-2 Bomber - The mother of all American bomber planes.

Larcena Pennington - This chick made the Oregon Trail her bitch.

Race Bannon - Bold enough to bodyguard Johnny Quest. Strong enough to pistol-whip bears to death.

Crazy Horse - Fought bravely in the Battle of Little Big Horn for the land rights of his people.

Joe Medicine Crow - The last surviving War Chief of the Crow Tribe.

Daniel Inouye - WWII Japanese-American killed 25 Germans with one arm.

Dakota Meyer - The first Marine since Vietnam to receive the Medal of Honor and live to tell the tale.

Batman - Gotham City's most badass face-punching crime fighter.

Doris Miller - The ship's cook who manned the .50 cal during Pearl Harbor.

Lennie Briscoe - This man has probably solved more homicides than the entire real-life NYPD combined.

Teddy Roosevelt - Adventurer, explorer, soldier, American President, Medal of Honor recipient, and Nobel Peace Prize winner.

The S&W 500 Magnum - The biggest fuck-off handgun ever produced.

Jules Winnfield - Samuel L. Jackson from Pulp Fiction. Nuff said?

Ellen Ripley - The most kickass chick to ever fry a horde of aliens with a blowtorch.

Warren G.H. Crecy - The baddest man in the 761st Tank Battalion, this guy was a Nazicidal maniac who mowed through the enemy and forgot about taking names.

John Carter of Mars - The original gangsta of kicking the shit out of aliens and macking on hot space babes.

Molly the Cow - The insane cow that went on a wild rampage to avoid getting shipped to the slaughterhouse.

Mick Foley - A no-holds-barred wrestler who never hesitated to jump off a cage and face-plant some thumbtacks as long as it made for good television.

John McClane - The ultimate action movie hero.

Hugh Glass - Killed a grizzly with his bare hands (hahaha puns FTW), then traveled 200 miles after being left for dead by his buddies.

Rupert Murdoch - The closest thing to a James Bond villain that the real world has to offer.

Ron Woods - When some dude tried to jack his car, Ron fought him off with nothing more than a cell phone and a cup of coffee.

Moby-Dick - A gigantic evil Sperm Whale that crushes ships by ramming them with his face.

Maddox the Pirate - The best pirate in the universe.

Eugene Jacques Bullard - History's first black combat pilot, and aviation hero of WWI.

John Matrix - After terrorists kidnapped Alissa Milano, Arnold had to blow their heads off with a rocket launcher.

Ash - Good, bad, he's the guy with the gun. And the chainsaw arm.

The Blues Brothers - These guys are pretty much the coolest motherfuckers ever.

Sarah Connor - The toughest, most no-nonsense asskicking female action hero of all time.

Al Capone - America's most notorious bootlegger, and a hardcore Sicilian gangster who would just as soon machine gun you into gibs than piss on your burning corpse.

Starship Troopers - The worst/best movie ever.

Muhammad Ali - The greatest.

Aron Ralston - Amputated his own arm with a pocketknife in order to survive after a horrific canyoneering accident pinned him on a canyon floor.

The Aggro Crag - The confetti-spewing death mountain that makes all other mountains look like flaccid micropenises.

Sho'Nuff - The Shogun of Harlem, and the baddest mo-fo, low-down, around this town.

Brian R. Chontosh - This guy single-handedly wiped out an entire company of Iraqi infantry by kicking the shit out of them and then killing them with their own guns.

The BFG 9000 - When you absolutely, positively have to kill every motherfucker in the room.

Drew Dix - The lone Green Beret who single-handedly saved a South Vietnamese town from the Tet Offensive.

Chris Kyle - The deadliest sniper in American history.

Vernon J. Baker - The only living black WWII soldier to receive the Medal of Honor, this guy personally led an assault on a fortified German castle.

Bass Reeves - Runaway slave who became one of most successful lawmen and gunfighters of the American West.

Marie Colvin - Fearless war correspondent who spent a 30-year career embedding herself in every war-torn hellhole on Earth.

Slade Cutter - All-American football player and hardcore WWII submarine commander.

David H. Jarvis - Coast Guard hero crossed 1500 miles through the Arctic in the dead of winter to save 250 stranded sailors.

Joe Foss - 26-kill WWII fighter ace, former commissioner of the AFL, and one-time president of the NRA.

Kim Campbell - A-10 pilot who brought her plane home despite insane amounts of damage.

Allan Pinkerton - America's first (and most badass) detective.

John Paul Stapp - The Fastest Man Alive.

Neil Armstrong - American hero.

Jacklyn H. Lucas - Dude jumps on two grenades, falls out of an airplane. Survives.

Jack Pritchard - One of the FDNY's most decorated firefighters.

Carl Akeley - Hunter, conservationist, killed a leopard with his bare hands.

Stagecoach Mary - Hard-drinking, hard-fighting Old West mail carrier.

Basil Plumley - 35-year Army veteran of three wars, decorated 40 times for bravery.

Lead Belly - The hard-drinking, hard-fighting ex-con who killed two guys and then invented modern music.

Robin Olds - Three-time ace and USAF legend who obliterated everything from Nazi Me-109s to MiG-21 jet fighters.

Desmond Doss - Combat medic receives the Medal of Honor for single-handedly carrying 75 wounded men out of a raging warzone.

Desmond Doss - Combat medic receives the Medal of Honor for single-handedly carrying 75 wounded men out of a raging warzone.

Desmond Doss - Combat medic receives the Medal of Honor for single-handedly carrying 75 wounded men out of a raging warzone.

Desmond Doss - Combat medic receives the Medal of Honor for single-handedly carrying 75 wounded men out of a raging warzone.

Desmond Doss - Combat medic receives the Medal of Honor for single-handedly carrying 75 wounded men out of a raging warzone.

Desmond Doss - Combat medic receives the Medal of Honor for single-handedly carrying 75 wounded men out of a raging warzone.

Oscar Charleston - The greatest and most badass baseball player you've never heard of.

George Rowe - The only private citizen to ever successfully infiltrate an outlaw motorcycle gang.

The Valentine's Day Massacre - The most romantic thing to ever happen to 1920s-era Gangland Chicago.

Roy Benavidez - One of the toughest war heroes in American history.

Clifford Wooldridge - U.S. Marine beats Taliban fighter to death with his own machine gun. Do you need anything more than that?

John Keller - The USMC veteran who saved 244 people from the mostly-submerged ruins of post-Katrina New Orleans.

Battle off Samar - With the American invasion of the Philippines hanging in the balance, seven daring destroyer captains desperately hurl themselves against the biggest Japanese battleship fleet ever put to sea.

Lyle Bouck - 18 American recon troops hold off the entire 1st SS Panzer Corps in the opening hours of the Battle of the Bulge.

Fat Henry Knox - Commander of the Continental Artillery, first Secretary of War, and original American gangsta.

Tibor Rubin - Hungarian-born Concentration Camp survivor turned American war hero.

The Sabertooth Tiger - Giant prehistoric lion with butcher knives for teeth.

George Welch - One of the only American pilots to fight back during Pearl Harbor.

Larry Thorne - Finnish Special Forces commando fought the Reds while serving with three different countries in World War II and Vietnam.

Charles C. Rogers - When the NVA threatened to overrun American artillery at a critical firebase, this 40 year-old math major met them with a bayonet and an assault rifle.

The Mighty Atom - Badass old-time strongman who once beat the hell out of 20 Nazis single-handedly.

Leona Woods - The only woman on the Manhattan Project, this physicist helped build the world's first nuclear reactor, then produced the fissionable material used in the first atomic bomb.

Walter Walsh - Badass gangster-hunting FBI agent, Marine Corps sniper, Olympic marksman.

Francis Marion - The Swamp Fox, this take-no-prisoners American guerrilla warrior made life miserable for British forces across South Carolina.

Jalil Zandi - The highest scoring F-14 Tomcat fighter ace of all time.

Eddie Loder - The most decorated firefighter in the history of the Boston Fire Department.

Bennie Adkins - 86 hours of combat, 18 wounds, 145 enemy soldiers killed, one Medal of Honor awarded 48 years after the fact.

Andrew Carnegie - Dirt-poor immigrant becomes the richest man in the world, then donates 90% of his money to charity.

Bloody Bill Anderson - One of the Civil War's most terrifying outlaws and bushwhackers.

Douglas MacArthur - Fifty-two years of service, seventeen medals for bravery, a half-dozen outlaw shootouts, two World Wars, and the battle for Korea. One of America's most famous, controversial, and badass generals.

Aaron Burr - The most badass Vice President in American history.

Hell Roaring Healy - A life-saving legend in the Coast Guard, the first African-American to command a U.S. government vessel, and the man who single-handedly patrolled the Alaska coastline for over 20 years.

Spock - The most badass first officer in science fiction history.

The Battle of Gettysburg - The epic turning point of a war to determine the fate of America forever.

Thomas Ward Custer - George Armstrong Custer's younger brother was the first man in American history to receive two Medals of Honor. He earned them both in the same week.

Andrew Busic - When Taliban attacked his forward operating base in Afghanistan, he drove straight at them in a pickup truck.

Ben L. Salomon - U.S. Army dentist turn surgeon who head-butted an enemy soldier for threatening one of his patients.

The AH-64 Apache - The world's deadliest attack helicopter.

John McCain - U.S. Navy pilot who flew 23 missions over North Vietnam and survived nearly six years as a prisoner of war in the Hanoi Hilton, refusing to submit despite some of the most brutal torture in the modern era.

Spencer Stone - When a mass-murdering terrorist pulled an AK-47 on a train car full of passengers, this guy and his buddies literally said "Fuck this shit" and put an end to it.

Peter Demontreux - New York Firefighter who leapt through a wall of flame to pull an injured man out of a massive structure fire in 2010.

Reeshemah Taylor - Florida prison guard is ambushed by a gun-wielding convicted murderer, and has just a split-second to fight back against a gang leader intent on taking her life.

Joshua Wheeler - 20-year veteran of Delta Force who received 11 Bronze Stars and participated in a raid that saved 75 civilians from execution at the hands of ISIS.

John Ripley - Single-handedly stopped an entire NVA armored division by climbing hand-over-hand under a 200-meter bridge to blow it up with explosives.

Virginia Hall - 30 year CIA and OSS veteran who spent all of WWII working behind German lines with the French Resistance. She's the most-decorated female spy in American history, and she did it all with a wooden leg.

Edward L. Baker - Lars Ulrich's great-godfather was a hardcore Old West Buffalo Soldier Sergeant-Major who fought Apaches under Geronimo and stormed San Juan Hill with Teddy Roosevelt.

William R. Lawley - With his crew injured, his aircraft on fire, and his controls shot to pieces, a wounded B-17 pilot tenaciously attempts fights to get bring his crew home alive.

John Coffee Hays - One of the toughest and most celebrated Texas Rangers on the Wild West frontier.

Douglas Munro - The only U.S. Coast Guardsman to ever receive the Medal of Honor.

Joe Beyrle - After escaping a Nazi POW camp, this American Paratrooper joined up with the Red Army and continued kicking Fascist ass.

Presley O'Bannon - USMC officer who led eight Marines in a balls-out attack on the Barbary Pirates in an epic battle that is still commemorated as the first line of the Marine Corps Hymn.

Daniel Morgan - One of the greatest unsung generals of the American Revolution, and a tough-as-nails son-of-a-bitch who personally led men into three of the war's most critical battles.

Pappy Boyington - Flying Tiger, commander of the Black Sheep Squadron, WWII American fighter ace, and a guy who posthumously received the Medal of Honor... when he wasn't actually really dead.

John Browning - The father of modern firearms.

Mike Thornton - 30 year veteran of the US Navy, founding member of SEAL Team Six, once charged through a hail of gunfire to save his commanding officer from a swarming horde of enemy soldiers in the jungles of Vietnam.

Vitus Bering - Military navigator, walked the entire length of Russia four times, discovered Alaska, and did it all without complaining.

Lewis and Clark - The guys who literally put 11 future U.S. states on the map.

Kellie McCoy - 82nd Airborne unit commander who charged muzzle-first into battle to save her men from a danger-close ambush by ferocious enemy troops in downtown Fallujah.

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