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Joshua - Moses' successor brought the Israelites into the land of Canaan and immediately proceeded to depopulate it of all human life in a series of ultra-hardcore wars against rival kings.

Skanderbeg - Albania's national hero is personally credited with killing over 3,000 men in combat.

Grace O'Malley - The Pirate Queen of Connaught.

Jan Zizka - The One-Eyed Czech asskicker.

Toussaint L'Ouverture - The slave who liberated Haiti.

Dudley Morton - WWII U.S. submarine commander who once destroyed an enemy ship with Molotov cocktails.

Judah Maccabee - Jewish warrior leads revolt against the Selucids to avenge the desecration of the holiest temple in his religion.

Princess Pingyang - 20 year old woman leads an army of peasants against the Emperor of China.

Hongi Hika - Brutal Maori war chief who collected the heads of his defeated enemies.

George Mayow - Second-in-command during the Charge of the Light Brigade.

Gaius Marius - The Second Founder of Rome and all-around Classical asskicker.

Witold Urbanowicz - Daring commander of the Polish 303 Squadron during the Battle of Britain.

Blas de Lezo - One-armed, one-eyed, one-legged, pirate-hunting Admiral of the Spanish Navy.

Mustafa Kemal Ataturk - The "Father of all Turks", and a man so revered in his homeland that it's illegal to publicly insult him.

Matilda of Canossa - Italian warrior-princess who served as the Pope's personal bodyguard.

Kim Yushin - Hero of Korea's Three Kingdoms era.

William McBryar - Buffalo soldier and twenty-year U.S. Army veteran, he received a Medal of Honor fighting the Apache and was one of the first black officers in the history of the U.S. military.

Shaka Zulu - Merciless warlord who carved out Sub-Sahran Africa's most powerful Empire.

Anna Yegorova - WWII Sturmovik pilot and Heroine of the Soviet Union.

Frederick Barbarossa - German ruler who rebuilt and expanded the Holy Roman Empire.

Rani Lakshmibai - Sword-swinging heroine of the 1857 Indian Rebellion against England.

Torii Mototada - Commander of the Japanese Alamo.

Diomedes - Flamethrower-toting epic hero of mythological Greece.

Viriathus - Iberian hero who led the resistance against Rome.

Toyotomi Hideyoshi - Peasant-turned-samurai unified all of Japan under one ruler.

Alp Arslan - Medieval Turkish Sultan who irrevocably crushed the power of Byzantium.

Tlahuicole - Tough Aztec-fighting warrior who chose duty and honor over his own survival.

Tomyris - Warrior-queen of the Massegetae who defeated the most powerful Emperor of the ancient world.

Caterina Sforza - Crazy medieval tyrant who subjected her foes to ruthless tortures.

Baldwin IV of Jerusalem - The Leper King of Jerusalem led the charge that destroyed Saladin's invading armies.

Darius the Great - Bloody ruler of the powerful Achaemenid Persian Empire.

Henry T. Elrod - WWII Marine Aviator takes on 22 planes by himself over Wake Island, then leads infantry in a desperate last stand.

Piye - The Nubian king who installed himself as Pharaoh.

Che Guevara - Revolutionary, guerrilla fighter, and bloody executioner -- the man behind the t-shirt.

Hayreddin Barbarossa - The peasant who became a pirate, and then became the Grand Admiral of the Turkish Navy.

Mai Bhago - Sikh warrior-saint led a group of deserters to bloody redemption.

Winston Churchill - The greatest British ruler since the days of King Arthur.

Geronimo - Apache warrior fought a twenty-five year war against both the U.S. and Mexico.

King David - Poor shepherd killed a giant and became Israel's greatest King.

The Duke of Wellington - One of Britain's all-time greatest heroes and the man who put an end to Napoleon's antics.

Zachary Taylor - 40-year military veteran, war hero, and 12th President of the United States.

Jean de Valette - Medieval commander who led 100 Knights Hospitaller in a brave defense against 200,000 Turkish warriors.

Baba Deep Singh - Not even chopping this guy's head off could stop him from avenging his faith.

Chuck Yeager - World War 2 pilot and the first person to ever break the sound barrier, Chuck tested planes, broke speed records, and trained astronauts for the United States for 3 decades.

Marquis de Lafayette - With a major axe to grind on England's face, Lafayette joined forces with George Washington during the American Revolution to help cock slap the British.

Attila the Hun - His nickname says it all: The Scourge of God.

George S. Patton - US general in World War II, and whose actions define what it is to have balls.

Chesty Puller - Rose through the ranks of the Marines from Private to three star General, busting all kinds of balls along the way.

Adnan bin Saidi - Staved the Japanese military off for two days with not much more than bayonets, brute force, and balls.

Taira no Masakado - The First Samurai's fury was so implacable that he continued to rage even after he was decapitated.

Chief Lapu-Lapu - Bitch-slapped Magellan for trying to edge in on his turf, and asserted Filipinos as motherfuckers not to be trifled with.

Benjamin O. Davis, Jr. - Flipped a large middle finger to segregation and became the first African-American general of the United States Air Force.

William Wallace - The pioneer of the quest for Scottish independence, Wallace whipped out his six foot claymore and equivalently sized dick to fight the English.

Xie Jinyuan - No nonsense officer during the Battle of Shanghai who didn't take shit from anyone. Especially the Japanese.

William Travis - Fought alongside other badasses like Davy Crockett and James Bowie in the Battle of the Alamo. They were all disappointed to find out that there is no basement in the Alamo.

Roland - One of the few people who make the French look awesome.

Erwin Rommel - The Desert Fox - Hitler's most dangerous (and gentlemanly) commander.

Yi Soon Shin - Kickass Korean admiral and major thorn in Japan's balls during the 16th century.

El Cid Campeador - Spanish military commander who busted serious heads in Spain during the 11th century.

Ahmad Shah Massoud - The best thing that ever happened to Afghanistan.

Michael Wittmann - The top-scoring tank ace of all time.

Pancho Villa - Tried to take the corrupt rulers out of Mexico. At least he tried.

Jean Danjou - Commander of the French Foreign Legion so badass the nation of France leads an annual parade with his fake hand.

James T. Kirk - Captain on the Starship Enterprise, and made the Judo Chop what it is today.

Spartacus - Became a HUGE pain in the ass to the Romans after they fucked him over, lead a massive slave rebellion.

Joan of Arc - The French Joan of Arc.

Akbar the Great - Indian emperor who un-fucked a lot of India.

John Paul Jones - The most balls-out naval commander in American history.

Cincinnatus - Fixed Rome up real good, and in 16 days flat.

Dan Daly - One of only two people to receive the medal of honor twice.

Andrew Jackson - United States President who didn't mind an occasional bullet to the chest, and would shoot your shit down if you looked at him wrong.

Jack Churchill - The kind of ballsy WWII soldier who never went into battle without a sword.

Odysseus - The Trojan war wasn't even enough of an adventure for this guy.

Giuseppe Garibaldi - Didn't matter what country he was in, he wanted some freedom goddamnit.

Queen Tamar - The Queen of Kings, this ultimately powerful warrior-ruler dominated Georgia and Central Asia for over 35 years.

Ching Shih - A female pirate in charge of a fleet so powerful it kicked the shit out of the Chinese Imperial Navy.

Caesar Augustus - Used democracy to make himself Roman Emperor.

Crazy Horse - Fought bravely in the Battle of Little Big Horn for the land rights of his people.

Trấn Hưng Đạo - Vietnamese commander who defeated the Mongols by impaling their fleet on iron stakes.

Viktor Leonov - Spetsnaz Naval officer and two-time Hero of the Soviet Union.

Honda Tadakatsu - Veteran of 100 battles and Tokugawa's most hardcore samurai.

Tamerlane - The successor of Genghis Khan, this guy conquered half of Asia, pillaged India, and brought the Ottoman Sultan back to his palace in chains.

Ramses II - The greatest and most powerful of Egypt's mighty Pharaohs.

Teddy Roosevelt - Adventurer, explorer, soldier, American President, Medal of Honor recipient, and Nobel Peace Prize winner.

Henry Morgan - The pirate who became an Admiral.

Simon Bolivar - The dude who liberated pretty much every friggin' country in South America.

The Emperor - The cruelest, most sinister supervillain in outer space, this dude shoots lightning out of his balls and kind of looks like the Pope.

General Zod - Kneel before Zod!

Qin Shi Huangdi - The man who unified China, became the First Emperor, and set up an Imperial system that would last for two millenia.

Babur - Founder of the Mughal Empire and one of the toughest Central Asian warlords in history.

Charles XII of Sweden - Immune to pain and defeat, this guy single-handedly made Sweden a national power, then made sure that when he went down the entire country went down in flames with him.

Arminius - The berserking German who dealt Rome it's greatest and most total defeat.

Kefka - A psychotic evil clown who becomes Emperor of the World and then turns himself into a God.

Hannibal - One of the greatest military minds in history, Hannibal crossed the Alps with elephants and then crushed the Romans on their own turf.

Alcibiades - The sex-crazed alcoholic naval commander who helped Athens gain advantage in the Peloponnesian War, then flipped sides and won the war for Sparta.

Lu Bu - The most feared blood-raging berserker warrior of Three Kingdoms China.

Saladin - Scourge of the Crusaders and the greatest Muslim military commander since Mohammad.

Darth Vader - It's Darth Vader. If you don't at least have some vague idea of who that is, you're probably in the wrong place.

Drew Dix - The lone Green Beret who single-handedly saved a South Vietnamese town from the Tet Offensive.

King Naresuan - National hero of Thailand saved his people by fighting a duel on the back of an elephant.

Commander Shepard - I'm Commander Shepard, and this is my favorite post on the Internet.

Slade Cutter - All-American football player and hardcore WWII submarine commander.

Krum the Horrible - Bulgar horse lord who made drinking cups out of the skulls of his slain enemies.

The Duke of Caxias - The greatest war hero in Brazilian history, this rebellion-quelling military commander personally led a hardcore cavalry charge at the age of 64.

David H. Jarvis - Coast Guard hero crossed 1500 miles through the Arctic in the dead of winter to save 250 stranded sailors.

Ignacio Zaragoza - Hero of the Battle of Puebla and the reason why Cinco de Mayo is a holiday.

Fredegund - The Middle Ages' most bloodthirsty and ruthless queen.

John Hunyadi - The White Knight of Hungary.

Yue Fei - China's ultra-loyal, ultra-tragic barbarian-quelling warlord.

Sir Isaac Brock - Balls-out "Hero of Upper Canada" who captured Detroit during the War of 1812 without losing a single man.

Casimir Pulaski - Polish rebel who invented American Cavalry and led a Legion of European lancers in the American Revolution.

Basil the Bulgar-Slayer - The scourge of Bulgarians.

Stephen the Little - Ordinary dude tries to impersonate the Tsar of Russia, becomes ruler of Montenegro.

Murad IV - Iron-fisted ruler of the Ottoman Empire.

John Nicholson - Victorian British war hero who kept a human head on his desk and hunted tigers with a sword.

Basil Plumley - 35-year Army veteran of three wars, decorated 40 times for bravery.

Yuknoom the Great - Hardcore Mayan ruler who built monuments out of the skulls of his enemies and who may have once actually eaten a rival king.

Koxinga - The only pirate to ever be worshipped as a living God.

Kennyo Kosa - No-nonsense warrior-monk who led a sect of militant Buddhists against the toughest warlord in Japanese history.

Bob Crisp - Professional cricket player who smoked Nazis with a tank.

Ivajlo the Cabbage - Illiterate pig farmer defeats the Mongols, marries an Empress, becomes Emperor of Bulgaria.

Michiel de Ruyter - Dutch Admiral who commanded ships in 7 wars and once stole the flagship of the English Navy from its home port.

Nzinga Mbande - Blood-drinking, Portuguese-slaying African warrior Queen.

Mithridates VI - The Poison King who fought Rome for 40 years and drank poison until he was immune to it.

Fat Henry Knox - Commander of the Continental Artillery, first Secretary of War, and original American gangsta.

Boudicca - Warrior-queen of the Iceni.

Baybars - Slave to Sultan, defeated the Mongols, destroyed the Crusaders.

Hernan Cortez - Conquistador who conquered the New World's most badass civilization with 600 soldiers.

Adrian Carton de Wiart - Psychotic one-eyed British Army officer wounded 11 times in 3 wars across 3 continents.

Bhakti Thapa - 74 year-old Gurkha charges into battle with the Chinese, Sikhs, and British armed with a kukri knife and a double-barreled shotgun.

Carl von Clausewitz - The most influential military mind of the modern era.

Hammurabi - An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.

David Vivian Currie - Canadian mechanic who sealed off the Falaise Pocket and trapped over 50,000 Nazis during the Normandy Campaign.

Larry Thorne - Finnish Special Forces commando fought the Reds while serving with three different countries in World War II and Vietnam.

Selim the Grim - Bloody Ottoman Sultan who doubled the size of his empire and destroyed his enemies without mercy.

Ashurnasirpal II - All-conquering bloodthirsty King of Assyria built a temple out of flayed human skin, built minarets out of human heads, then commissioned art depicting him banging fertility goddesses and strangling lions.

Charles C. Rogers - When the NVA threatened to overrun American artillery at a critical firebase, this 40 year-old math major met them with a bayonet and an assault rifle.

Themistocles - Athenian commander who took on the full might of the Persian Navy in the final defense of his homeland.

Trieu Thi Trinh - 19 year-old Vietnamese girl kills a person, trains in forest, raises army, fights Chinese while riding a war elephant.

Paul von Lettow-Vorbeck - Undefeated German WWI commander, master of African guerrilla warfare, an a man who once told Hitler to go fuck himself.

Raden Wijaya - Medieval Indonesian warrior-prince kills everyone, bangs a half-dozen princesses, then tries to double-cross the Mongol Horde.

Date Masamune - Eyepatch-wearing Japanese samurai who kicked ass in the service of two shoguns.

Samuel White Baker - An old-school British colonial explorer, writer, and soldier who dedicated his entire life to badass adventure.

Francis Marion - The Swamp Fox, this take-no-prisoners American guerrilla warrior made life miserable for British forces across South Carolina.

King Clovis - The bloodthirsty Germanic barbarian asskicker who created the modern French state as we know it.

Jan Sobieski - The man who saved Europe by leading the largest cavalry charge in human history.

Joseph Gallieni - Exactly one hundred years ago today, this man saved Paris by fighting the Germans with an army of taxicabs.

Clive Dytor - Royal Marine Commando leads a bayonet charge against the Argentinians during the Falkland War.

Abdul Hafiz - Army lieutenant tells his men they are invincible, leads them on suicide charge, goes into psychotic blood rage. What else do you need from me here honestly.

Douglas MacArthur - Fifty-two years of service, seventeen medals for bravery, a half-dozen outlaw shootouts, two World Wars, and the battle for Korea. One of America's most famous, controversial, and badass generals.

Sundiata - 13th-century West African Mandingo warrior must avenge his family and retake his rightful throne from the invincible evil sorcerer who invented the xylophone. His story becomes the basis for Disney's Lion King.

Mochizuki Chiyome - After her husband dies in battle, this woman creates a school to train badass female ninjas in the fine art of espionage and face-stabbing.

Aaron Burr - The most badass Vice President in American history.

King Abdullah II - When ISIS killed one of his pilots, the King of Jordan is rumored to have flown the lead F-16 on the mission for revenge.

Klondike Joe Boyle - Yukon gold-mining Secret Agent who managed a Stanley Cup hockey team, outfitted a WWI machine gun company, stole the Romanian crown jewels from a vault in Moscow, one fought a shark with a knife.

William of Orange - Career soldier, hero of the Netherlands, bane of the Irishmen and one tough son of a bitch.

Athena - The Greek goddess of wisdom, honorable combat, and democracy, and the patron deity of every worthwhile hero in Greek mythology.

Thomas Ward Custer - George Armstrong Custer's younger brother was the first man in American history to receive two Medals of Honor. He earned them both in the same week.

Avigdor Kahalani - One of the greatest armored warfare heroes in history, he held of an entire enemy tank brigade with just 30 tanks.

Georgy Zhukov - The man who won World War II.

Georgy Zhukov - The man who won World War II.

Georgy Zhukov - The man who won World War II.

William Marshal - "The Greatest Knight that Ever Lived", he survived his first siege at age 5 and served as the main asskicker to five English kings.

Harald Fairhair - Badass Viking ruler with amazing hair who refused to cut his locks or trim his beard until he'd conquered every minor kingdom in Norway.

Abu Azrael - Iraqi militia folk hero who fights ISIS with a sword.

Oda Nobunaga - The Demon King of Feudal Japan.

Jozef Pilsudski - The greatest warrior in modern Polish history, he escaped three prisons, defeated the Russian Army, and became hero to his people.

Ii Naomasa - The last surviving member of his samurai warrior clan, he becomes commander of "Ii's Red Devils," an elite force of shock troops in the service of the Tokugawa Shogunate.

Ii Naomasa - The last surviving member of his samurai warrior clan, he becomes commander of "Ii's Red Devils," an elite force of shock troops in the service of the Tokugawa Shogunate.

Khutulun - Genghis Khan's great-great-granddaughter was unbeatable in hand-to-hand combat, an expert wrestler, and she commanded a regiment of Mongol heavy cavalry in combat.

Douglas Bader - 20-kill fighter ace and Battle of Britain hero who kicked German ass despite losing both of his legs in a flying accident.

Cardinal Richelieu - The diabolical mastermind who turned France from a bankrupt war-torn country into the most dominant political superpower on the European continent.

Jeanne de Clisson - When the King of France had her husband beheaded as a traitor, the "Tigress of Britanny" assembled a fleet of black-hulled warships and personally wreaked vengeance on the Crown.

Baron von Ungern-Sternberg - The "Bloody Baron," this psychotic World War I Russian cavalry commander swore to horrifically butcher all who stood in the way of him forging a revived Mongol Empire.

Chevalier de Saint-Georges - Master fencer, superstar celebrity, violin-shredding virtuoso, the first black composer, and military commander of the first black infantry regiment in European history.

Zenobia - Warrior-queen who defied Rome, conquered Egypt, and used to spear-hunt wild panthers in the Arabian desert.

Sir Garnet Wolseley - Victorian-Era British officer who won epic campaigns from China to Canada and accomplished more heroic shit in a weekend than most soldiers do in a lifetime.

Edward L. Baker - Lars Ulrich's great-godfather was a hardcore Old West Buffalo Soldier Sergeant-Major who fought Apaches under Geronimo and stormed San Juan Hill with Teddy Roosevelt.

Constance Markievicz - 20th-century Irish suffragette and revolutionary who fought the British with a nickel-plated six-shooter.

Taksin the Great - Peasant soldier becomes King and Liberator of Thailand by training an army of dual-wielding Muay Thai guerilla fighters and unleashing them on an invading enemy.

Santa Anna - Elected President of Mexico eleven times (and deposed twelve times), the villain of the Alamo rocked a prosthetic leg, brought bubble gum to the United States, has a sea shanty named after him, once led a military coup against himself.

Edward Longshanks - The Hammer of the Scots.

Charlemagne - The military genius who crushed the enemies of Christendom, united Europe under one ruler, and brought the continent out of the Dark Ages.

Stilicho - The last great hero of the Western Roman Empire, this Visigoth-smiting warrior defended Rome from barbarian invasion not once but twice.

Felix Von Luckner - World War I German commerce raider who sank 64,000 tons of British shipping and destroyed 14 vessels. With a three-masted old-school sailing ship. And without killing a single person.

Nikola Zrinski - The "Slavic Leonidas", the national hero of Croatia led 3000 men in a desperate last stand against the seemingly-endless forces of Suleiman the Magnificent.





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