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Kratos - The Greek God of Strength, as well as the God of Killing All The Other Gods with a Pair of Gigantic Fucking Swords.

Poseidon - The Greek God of the sea. And vengeance. And also horses, for some reason.

T'ai Djin - Shaolin Kung Fu Werewolf Grandmaster.

Wolverine - The prototypical comic book anti-hero.

Hervor - Viking shield-maiden and wielder of the magical sword Tyrfing.

Diomedes - Flamethrower-toting epic hero of mythological Greece.

The Kraken - What has two giant eyes, eight legs, a couple tentacles, and an insatiable thirst for human blood?

Finn McCool - Legendary Irish warrior and world-reknowned asskicker.

Zeus - King of the Gods.

Jason Voorhees - Happy Friday the 13th.

Beowulf - Mythical monster-killing hero pulled a demon's arm off with his bare hands.

Abraham Van Helsing - The original gangsta of vampire hunting.

Jason Bourne - So good at his job that even amnesia couldn't take him down.

MacGyver - The spy who can make bitchin escape tools out of virtually nothing (and a little duct tape).

John Henry - The Steel-Driving man, and the American working-class hero.

Jack McCoy - He will cut your shit down, with justice.

The Predator - Your worst extraterrestrial nightmare.

James T. Kirk - Captain on the Starship Enterprise, and made the Judo Chop what it is today.

The Punisher - Has no compunction about fucking your shit up after his wife and kid were murdered.

Conan of Cimmeria - An adventurer who makes sleeping with babes in the middle of a battle look like a rare art form.

Snake Eyes - A GI Joe so awesome they had to put testicles on the action figure.

Odysseus - The Trojan war wasn't even enough of an adventure for this guy.

Cuchulainn - The Irish Chuck Norris.

Rama - The Hindu God of saving princess from gigantic fucking demons.

The Headless Horseman - Headless. Horseman. Christopher. Motherfucking. Walken.

The Baroness - Female criminal mastermind, bane to GI Joes.

Race Bannon - Bold enough to bodyguard Johnny Quest. Strong enough to pistol-whip bears to death.

Skuld - Ancient Norse necromancer chick who summoned an army of Viking Zombies.

Doctor Doom - The iron-fisted ruler of Latveria.

Batman - Gotham City's most badass face-punching crime fighter.

Thanos - Possessor of the Infinity Gauntlet and grand ruler of existence.

Segata Sanshiro - The ultimate martial arts / video game master.

Lennie Briscoe - This man has probably solved more homicides than the entire real-life NYPD combined.

Perseus - The mythological uber-hero who slew the Medusa, rode Pegasus, and saved the hot naked babe from a sea monster.

Charun - The Etruscan God of beating people in the face with a hammer.

The Killer Rabbit - That's no ordinary bunny.

Jules Winnfield - Samuel L. Jackson from Pulp Fiction. Nuff said?

Ellen Ripley - The most kickass chick to ever fry a horde of aliens with a blowtorch.

The Emperor - The cruelest, most sinister supervillain in outer space, this dude shoots lightning out of his balls and kind of looks like the Pope.

General Zod - Kneel before Zod!

Inigo Montoya - My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

John Carter of Mars - The original gangsta of kicking the shit out of aliens and macking on hot space babes.

The Bride - A one-woman wrecking crew of limb-severing violence.

Kefka - A psychotic evil clown who becomes Emperor of the World and then turns himself into a God.

John Matrix - After terrorists kidnapped Alissa Milano, Arnold had to blow their heads off with a rocket launcher.

Ash - Good, bad, he's the guy with the gun. And the chainsaw arm.

Ivan Drago - The genetically-engineered Soviet super-athlete.

Starship Troopers - The worst/best movie ever.

Optimus Prime - A giant alien robot that transforms into a Mack Truck.

Commander Shepard - I'm Commander Shepard, and this is my favorite post on the Internet.

Tarzan - The original noble savage, and one of literature's most hardcore badasses.

Galactus - Galactus eats planets.

Camazotz the Death Bat - Blood-sucking Mayan Bat God of death, destruction, and TURBO MONSTER JAMS.

Hercules - The Greek God of Heroes.

The Panzer 1000 - In 1942 Hitler approved the construction of a 1000-pound tank so ginormous it mounted naval artillery and had a vehicle bay that carried a couple of motorcycles. This is a real thing that happened.

Spock - The most badass first officer in science fiction history.

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