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Joshua - Moses' successor brought the Israelites into the land of Canaan and immediately proceeded to depopulate it of all human life in a series of ultra-hardcore wars against rival kings.

Judah Maccabee - Jewish warrior leads revolt against the Selucids to avenge the desecration of the holiest temple in his religion.

Princess Pingyang - 20 year old woman leads an army of peasants against the Emperor of China.

Gaius Marius - The Second Founder of Rome and all-around Classical asskicker.

Viriathus - Iberian hero who led the resistance against Rome.

Tomyris - Warrior-queen of the Massegetae who defeated the most powerful Emperor of the ancient world.

Darius the Great - Bloody ruler of the powerful Achaemenid Persian Empire.

Zeus - King of the Gods.

Piye - The Nubian king who installed himself as Pharaoh.

St. Moses the Black - The Patron Saint of Asskicking.

Cloelia the Hostage - Heroine of the Roman Republic led a group of captive women to freedom.

Marcus Cassius Scaeva - The most badass of Julius Caesar's Centurions.

Emperor Tiberius Caesar - Way too cool to handle the task of running the Roman Empire, so instead he partied all over the empire, drinking and having orgies the Roman way.

Attila the Hun - His nickname says it all: The Scourge of God.

Hector of Troy - Trojan prince with a fight resume that would make you piss yourself.

Spartacus - Became a HUGE pain in the ass to the Romans after they fucked him over, lead a massive slave rebellion.

Cincinnatus - Fixed Rome up real good, and in 16 days flat.

Odysseus - The Trojan war wasn't even enough of an adventure for this guy.

Rama - The Hindu God of saving princess from gigantic fucking demons.

Caesar Augustus - Used democracy to make himself Roman Emperor.

Germanicus - The Roman Empire's most celebrated warrior.

Aeschylus - Greek warrior and one of the most famous playwrights of ancient history.

Perseus - The mythological uber-hero who slew the Medusa, rode Pegasus, and saved the hot naked babe from a sea monster.

Ramses II - The greatest and most powerful of Egypt's mighty Pharaohs.

Charun - The Etruscan God of beating people in the face with a hammer.

Qin Shi Huangdi - The man who unified China, became the First Emperor, and set up an Imperial system that would last for two millenia.

The 300 Spartans - The famous last stand of King Leonidas and his 300 badasses.

Arminius - The berserking German who dealt Rome it's greatest and most total defeat.

Hannibal - One of the greatest military minds in history, Hannibal crossed the Alps with elephants and then crushed the Romans on their own turf.

Alcibiades - The sex-crazed alcoholic naval commander who helped Athens gain advantage in the Peloponnesian War, then flipped sides and won the war for Sparta.

Lu Bu - The most feared blood-raging berserker warrior of Three Kingdoms China.

Yuknoom the Great - Hardcore Mayan ruler who built monuments out of the skulls of his enemies and who may have once actually eaten a rival king.

Saint Nicholas - The patron saint of prostitutes, murderers, children, sailors, and punching heretics in the face.

Mithridates VI - The Poison King who fought Rome for 40 years and drank poison until he was immune to it.

Camazotz the Death Bat - Blood-sucking Mayan Bat God of death, destruction, and TURBO MONSTER JAMS.

Boudicca - Warrior-queen of the Iceni.

Hammurabi - An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.

Ashurnasirpal II - All-conquering bloodthirsty King of Assyria built a temple out of flayed human skin, built minarets out of human heads, then commissioned art depicting him banging fertility goddesses and strangling lions.

Themistocles - Athenian commander who took on the full might of the Persian Navy in the final defense of his homeland.

Trieu Thi Trinh - 19 year-old Vietnamese girl kills a person, trains in forest, raises army, fights Chinese while riding a war elephant.

King Clovis - The bloodthirsty Germanic barbarian asskicker who created the modern French state as we know it.

Hercules - The Greek God of Heroes.

Locusta the Poisoner - Not even the Emperor himself was safe from this master alchemist and ancient Roman assassin.

Athena - The Greek goddess of wisdom, honorable combat, and democracy, and the patron deity of every worthwhile hero in Greek mythology.

King Solomon - The King of Israel built the holiest place in Jewish history, and also allegedly commanded an army of Genies and could talk to birds.

North Sentinel Island - Modern-day society of tribal badass warriors who have responded to ruthlessly defend their island against anyone who sets foot near it.

Zenobia - Warrior-queen who defied Rome, conquered Egypt, and used to spear-hunt wild panthers in the Arabian desert.

Stilicho - The last great hero of the Western Roman Empire, this Visigoth-smiting warrior defended Rome from barbarian invasion not once but twice.





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