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of the week. con carne. store.

Alexander Karelin - Ivan Drago meets Zangief. Only real.

Abram A. Heller - USCG rescue swimmer who went head-first into a brutal storm on the Bering Sea and saved 8 men from a deadly shipwreck.

Don Alejo Garza Tamez - Mexican rancher who single-handedly fought the entire gang with his stash of automatic weapons.

Max Hardberger - This guy steals $10 million cargo ships from pirates. Professionally.

SEAL Team Six - The United States' elite counter-terrorist task force.

Dipprasad Pun - Gurkha soldier fights off 30 Taliban with a machine gun and grenades.

Hideaki Akaiwa - Fearless Japanese hero goes into his tsunami-flooded village to save his family.

Joseph Lozito - The New York Subway Hero.

Bishnu Shrestha - One Gurkha fights off 40 train robbers, kills 3, wounds 8.

Salvatore Giunta - The first living recipient of the Medal of Honor since Vietnam.

Jennifer Musa - The Irish Queen of Balochistan.

Yang Youde - Chinese farmer defends his land with homemade rocket launchers.

Craig Harrison - British sniper recorded the longest-range kill in history. Twice. In consecutive shots.

Marcus Luttrell - Lone survivor of one of the bloodiest days in the history of the SEALs.

Aki Ra - Aki Ra is a Cambodian guy who disarms land mines with a pocketknife.

Stephen Colbert - I shamelessly plug my book by writing about the TV's most badass talk show host.

Rukhsana Kauser - 18 year-old Indian farmgirl takes on six terrorists armed with AK-47s.

Ryan Cooper - Off-duty firefighter charged into a burning building to save two people.

Tom Wanyandie - 78 year-old man saves his son from a bear by beating it with a stick.

Ben Nyaumbe - Man battles a giant, thirteen-foot, man-eating python for over three hours.

Paul Rusesabagina - The hero of the Rwandan Genocide saved over a thousand people from crazy machete-toting maniacs.

Seth E. Howard - Green Beret fought off terrorist ambush with a sniper rifle and a rocket launcher.

Vassilis Paleokostas - The Greek Robin Hood escaped from prison in a helicopter. Twice.

Jason Voorhees - Happy Friday the 13th.

Michael Groves - One man fought off a dozen Somali pirates with a fire hose.

Rick Rescorla - A true American hero (from Britain).

M3 the Wolverine - The Alpha Male of the most insane family of ferocious mammals North America has to offer.

Eric Pianka - Field biologist who specializes in desert reptiles, buffalo, and falconry; and when he's not wrestling deadly animals he's working on his theories on human population control.

Marvin Heemeyer - After getting dicked up and down by City Hall, Marvin took matters into his own hands and welded together a killdozer (you heard me) to stick it to the man.

Jason Bourne - So good at his job that even amnesia couldn't take him down.

Yogender Singh Yadav - Scaled a mountain to save his country in the amount of time it takes Chuck Norris to take a shit.

Godzilla - The product of nuclear detonations in Japan, this fuck of a monster uses Tokyo as his playground. Literallly.

Elliot Stabler - The fictional cop that every real cop should look up to.

Makoto Nagano - This guy is proof that ninjas still exist.

Joe Simpson - When climbing mountains wasn't enough, this motherfucker started climbing ice. ICE.

Jack McCoy - He will cut your shit down, with justice.

Bear Grylls - Has more adventure in his left nut than you have in your entire body. And he drinks his own piss.

The Predator - Your worst extraterrestrial nightmare.

Arthur Du Mosch - Pinned a leopard to the ground with his bare hands.

The Punisher - Has no compunction about fucking your shit up after his wife and kid were murdered.

The A-10 Warthog - Pants-shitting awesome asplode machine.

Snake Eyes - A GI Joe so awesome they had to put testicles on the action figure.

Leigh Ann Hester - American MP who was the first woman to earn a silver star since WWII.

Wesley Autrey - Saved a film student from a moving subway train by jumping onto the tracks.

Eric Nerhus - Eaten by a shark and survived. By a SHARK.

The Sateré Mawé - Keepers of the Bullet Ants, which is exactly what it sounds like.

The Baroness - Female criminal mastermind, bane to GI Joes.

Susan Kuhnhausen - Even a hitman with a claw hammer couldn't shake this woman's focus.

The B-2 Bomber - The mother of all American bomber planes.

Steve Irwin - Craziest, coolest man to ever willingly shove his hand into a crocodile's danger zone.

Race Bannon - Bold enough to bodyguard Johnny Quest. Strong enough to pistol-whip bears to death.

Tareg Gazel - A 19 year-old kid who fights snipers in Libya.

Dakota Meyer - The first Marine since Vietnam to receive the Medal of Honor and live to tell the tale.

Zinedine Zidane - This guy's sense of revenge was so well-developed that he got tossed from the most important game of his life for headbutting his enemy out of spite.

Lennie Briscoe - This man has probably solved more homicides than the entire real-life NYPD combined.

The S&W 500 Magnum - The biggest fuck-off handgun ever produced.

Molly the Cow - The insane cow that went on a wild rampage to avoid getting shipped to the slaughterhouse.

Mick Foley - A no-holds-barred wrestler who never hesitated to jump off a cage and face-plant some thumbtacks as long as it made for good television.

The Bride - A one-woman wrecking crew of limb-severing violence.

Mariusz Pudzianowski - The strongest man in the world. No question.

John McClane - The ultimate action movie hero.

Rupert Murdoch - The closest thing to a James Bond villain that the real world has to offer.

Ron Woods - When some dude tried to jack his car, Ron fought him off with nothing more than a cell phone and a cup of coffee.

Maddox the Pirate - The best pirate in the universe.

Optimus Prime - A giant alien robot that transforms into a Mack Truck.

Daniel M'Mburugu - 73 year-old dude kills a wild leopard by punching it in the mouth and pulling it's tongue out of its head.

Aron Ralston - Amputated his own arm with a pocketknife in order to survive after a horrific canyoneering accident pinned him on a canyon floor.

Jackie Chan - One of the biggest icons in the history of martial arts cinema.

Samuel Toloza - When a unit of Iraqi troops tried to drag one of his comrades off, this dude freaked out and stabbed them all with a pocketknife until they ran for it.

The Hanta Virus - First you get a minor cold. Then you get better. Then you die.

Brian R. Chontosh - This guy single-handedly wiped out an entire company of Iraqi infantry by kicking the shit out of them and then killing them with their own guns.

The BFG 9000 - When you absolutely, positively have to kill every motherfucker in the room.

Darth Vader - It's Darth Vader. If you don't at least have some vague idea of who that is, you're probably in the wrong place.

Chris Kyle - The deadliest sniper in American history.

Anthony Omari - Dude saves 37 orphans from a gang of thieves, then survives a machete to the face.

Sekonaia Takavesi - Fijian SAS hero single-handedly held off 200 communists with an anti-tank cannon.

Marie Colvin - Fearless war correspondent who spent a 30-year career embedding herself in every war-torn hellhole on Earth.

Iko Uwais - Indonesian action hero and star of one of the most badass movies ever made.

Kim Campbell - A-10 pilot who brought her plane home despite insane amounts of damage.

Tarzan - The original noble savage, and one of literature's most hardcore badasses.

Jack Pritchard - One of the FDNY's most decorated firefighters.

Yusuf Alchagirov - 80 year-old man headbutts bear, kicks it in the balls, is thrown off a cliff. He lives.

Hawa Abdi - 65 year-old Somali gynecologist who saved thousands of lives and fought off local militias for 30 years.

Basil Plumley - 35-year Army veteran of three wars, decorated 40 times for bravery.

Shen Jianzhong - Thirty goons show up at the home of a Chinese fitness instructor and try to bully him out of town. They fail.

George Rowe - The only private citizen to ever successfully infiltrate an outlaw motorcycle gang.

Bob Crisp - Professional cricket player who smoked Nazis with a tank.

Clifford Wooldridge - U.S. Marine beats Taliban fighter to death with his own machine gun. Do you need anything more than that?

John Keller - The USMC veteran who saved 244 people from the mostly-submerged ruins of post-Katrina New Orleans.

Harrison Okene - Nigerian ship's cook survives 60 hours trapped in an air bubble 100 feet below the surface.

The White Tights - A mysterious, possibly-mythical band of women snipers who have made life miserable for the Russians for decades.

Wayne O'Mahoney - 41 year-old naked British Army vet beats the hell out of three guys trying to jack his car.

One Shot, Six Kills - An unidentified British sniper single-handedly stops a Taliban ambush with just one bullet.

Walter Walsh - Badass gangster-hunting FBI agent, Marine Corps sniper, Olympic marksman.

Brian Wood - Ambushed from two sides and pinned down by machine gun and RPG fire, this British infantryman resolved to cut his way out or die trying.

Maurya Dissanayake - Three muggers ambush a gas station attendant in broad daylight. They don't realize the other guy who works there is the five-time Sri Lankan MMA champion.

Kamla Devi - A 54 year-old single mother in rural India is ambushed by a man-eating leopard. She fights back with the only thing she has - an iron sickle.

Eddie Loder - The most decorated firefighter in the history of the Boston Fire Department.

Bennie Adkins - 86 hours of combat, 18 wounds, 145 enemy soldiers killed, one Medal of Honor awarded 48 years after the fact.

Kevin Vickers - When a psychotic gunman attacked the Canadian House of Commons, this guy brought him down single-handedly in a badass gunfight.

The GIGN - One of the world's oldest and most combat-experienced counter-terrorist organizations.

BIG WIND - Two MiG jet engines mounted on a T-34 chassis to become the most badass firefighting vehicle ever created.

King Abdullah II - When ISIS killed one of his pilots, the King of Jordan is rumored to have flown the lead F-16 on the mission for revenge.

Andrew Busic - When Taliban attacked his forward operating base in Afghanistan, he drove straight at them in a pickup truck.

Abu Azrael - Iraqi militia folk hero who fights ISIS with a sword.

The AH-64 Apache - The world's deadliest attack helicopter.

John McCain - U.S. Navy pilot who flew 23 missions over North Vietnam and survived nearly six years as a prisoner of war in the Hanoi Hilton, refusing to submit despite some of the most brutal torture in the modern era.

Spencer Stone - When a mass-murdering terrorist pulled an AK-47 on a train car full of passengers, this guy and his buddies literally said "Fuck this shit" and put an end to it.

Peter Demontreux - New York Firefighter who leapt through a wall of flame to pull an injured man out of a massive structure fire in 2010.

Reeshemah Taylor - Florida prison guard is ambushed by a gun-wielding convicted murderer, and has just a split-second to fight back against a gang leader intent on taking her life.

Joshua Wheeler - 20-year veteran of Delta Force who received 11 Bronze Stars and participated in a raid that saved 75 civilians from execution at the hands of ISIS.

Yonatan Azarihab - After being stabbed in the neck from behind, this Israeli asskicker pulled the knife out and used it on his attacker.





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