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The BFG 9000
05.14.2004 941492732530




This week's badass is one of the most awesome things to ever be developed for a video game.  The BFG 9000 is the most diabolical instrument of death ever created, the "Number 6" weapon in the Doom games and the only thing on the planet that can make Satan Himself crap his pants while crying and pleading for his miserable life.  Basically, it shoots a hugeass ball of green energy that disentigrates anything and everything in your line of sight and sucks up thirty points of energy faster than you can say "IDKFA".  While Doom revolutionized video games, particularly the first-person shooter genre, the BFG 9000 revolutionized totally over-the-top video game weaponry and paved the way for other bizarre inconceivable guns that only get more and more ridiculous as time goes on.  While many of them have attempted to rival the BFG, nothing quite comes close to the raw testosterone production that results from dishing out some monster-liquidating justice with the BFG 9000.  So the next time you see an over-the-top weapon like a catapult that shoots nuclear chickens or a toaster that fires heat-seeking burritos at Mexican immigrants, just remember that they're all just crappy substitutes for the BFG 9000 - the only weapon in the universe capable of putting hair on your chest simply by pulling the trigger.



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