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The Baroness
10.13.2006 62786631257

Baroness Anastasia DeCobray as born to a family of snooty nondescript minor European lords and eventually grew into one of the most diabolical criminal masterminds the world has ever seen.  She got her start in the ranks of student activism and quickly graduated to international terrorism - but not the sort of bullshit "suicide bomber" terrorist pussies - the sort of "world domination" terrorists that you can really sort of have some respect for.  She's not out there to make some idiotic convoluted political statement by beheading civilians or humping goats in the mountains somewhere;  She's the kind of crazy bitch that's hell-bent on conquering third-world countries by building giant anamatronic cobras that have guns duct-taped to their heads, shoot mind control gas out of their eyes and eat babies.  Essentially The Baroness is to terrorism what high-class escorts are to prostitution.

As a high-ranking member of the international terrorist organization COBRA, The Baroness is the most powerful woman in the world's most criminally inept military force in history.  But don't blame her - you know that a general can only go to war with the army she's given.  Since the woman is pretty much always the brains behind any organization, you know that she's got COBRA Commander and Destro eating out of the palm of her hand.  Unfortunatly, that can only get you so far, since COBRA Commander has a habit of completely fucking bungling every single operation he undergoes, and his crack force of half-retarded military rejects spend far more time getting their heads bonked together by G.I. Joes than doing anything even remotely productive.

The Baroness herself, however, doesn't put up with stupid bullshit and is totally capable of kicking balls and taking names herself.  She's more than happy to don her sexy librarian glasses, jet black form-fitting body armor and black leather jumpsuit and start shoving the three-inch heels of her clunky knee-high boots up the asses of capitalist pig democracies across the globe.  Just check out her file card:

Character Page



She's a master of espionage and counter-intelligence, with expert marksman training on several NATO and Warsaw pact small arms.  Her file card indicates her proficiency in the operation of several vehicles, including the H.I.S.S. Heavy Tank, and a variety of fixed-wing military aircraft.  On top of these abilities, her card does fail to mention one other special skill of hers however:  Her high-level training in Transformer Piloting:


I'm not even sure what's going on in this picture,
but it definitely involves super-badass Optimus Prime
wearing COBRA markings and carrying The Baroness around,
which is enough to rank it as one of the greatest pictures I have ever seen.


Despite their struggle for the forces of good, Scarlet and Lady Jaye have nothing on The Baroness.  She's the most kickass bitch to ever plot the violent overthrow of every civilized nation on the planet, and if I had to pick one diabolical criminal mastermind to help me lead an armed revolution in a third-world country while driving around in a giant robotic monkey with laser eyes and wearing elaborate costumes, it would be her.

This was drawn by Elizabeth for the SA Contest in 2004.

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Tags: 20th century | 21st century | Fictional | Russia | Supervillain | United States | Women

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