E-Mail: Return of the Watermelon Monster
So I go to the local Best Buy store last week and, feeling like watching old kung fu movies while drinking a lot of beer, I pick up a copy of "Martial Arts Essentials - Volume 1; The Films of Yuen Wo Ping (which if you put the last two parts of his name together sounds like the special effects sounds in the movies) for $14.95. Here's the Amazon link for the title.
I was watching the movies and some were OK; one or two aren't. I started one and it sucked so bad, I skipped it for later and waited until - well coincidentally, midnight and I was well lit - and it turns out to be Taoism Drunkard. I still don't have any idea what the fuck it was about, but about a third of the way through, this melon monster comes out and starts kicking everyone who comes around it's ass. Even the baddest guy's ass (I might have signed up for the antenna nipple rub though). I don't even know why the guys that went there were in the room. There didn't seem to be any rhyme or reason for it. I had forgotten where the fuck I had seen this stupid badass monster from hell before, but I knew I had.
This morning, it hit me: Nowhere else on the web is there the hard-hitting, ass-kicking review of badasses than on your web page. You warned us about the melon monster in 2004, way ahead of the curve. I don't know if there are any more of the Martial Arts Essentials volumes available, but the price was right for those six movies and if I get drunk enough, I may buy more. I would like to thank you for providing this service to us.
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