Badass of the Week.

-- Ruddtastic --

Do you think the Prime Minister of Australia might possibly be considered a badass, or a closet badass?

Mr Rudd recently slashed some overly generous expense allowance for politicians, and when some pollies from his own party had a meeting to complain, Mr Rudd didn't beat around the bush with his reply; "I don't care what you fuckers think. You can get fucked. Don't you fucking understand?" Most of the time he presents a polished image to the world, but it has been observed that there are two Kevin Rudds - there's the likeable but somewhat mechanical and nerdy "Ruddbot", and now and then he is transformed into a terrifying volcano of profanity. Our leader is formidable in a number of ways. Bill Clinton was recently blown away by Rudd's intelligence. Prime Minister Rudd speaks Mandarin fluently and has an almost autistic level of detailed knowledge about China. He has a first-class honours degree from a top uni. He was dux of his high school. He has only ever needed 3 hours of sleep a day. He was elected in 2007 in a "Ruddslide", thrashing a conservative government and Prime Minister who had been in power for 4 interminable terms. When Rudd set up his government he trashed over a century of ALP tradition by choosing his own front bench, which was previously chosen by the caucus. He's got more shit done in less than one political term than his predecessor got done in all the time that he warmed the seats of parliament. He saved Australia from a severe recession. His popularity ratings are consistently excellent and have set records. He loves to declare war on things - unemployment, drugs, inflation, banker's salaries, whalers, you name it. He has his own weekly action-adventure series on the /Rove /TV show. He has popularised the word "shitstorm". Not content with sorting out Australia's problems, Rudd makes things happen at an international level. Australia is a founding member of the G20, "the world's leading economic forum". Rudd is campaigning to win Australia a seat on the Security Council of the UN. Kevin Rudd's wife has been described as Australia's most successful female entrepreneur. She is a self-made millionaire and she likes to climb mountains in her holidays. Her husband spent his last summer holiday writing a nine page political essay for /The Monthly/. In the past the leaders of the Australian Labor Party have relied on the support of back-room factions, union links, alliances and family political dynasties to get to the top, and as the result we have had some complete losers leading this party in the past. Rudd just rose to the top of the ALP without any established power base, on the strength of being so "Ruddtastic", and now he is telling some of his ALP colleagues to go "get fucked". No one can stop this man. He is unstoppable.

C. W.


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