Badass of the Week.

The Badass of the Week

Just stumbled onto the site and found the article on Badass religions, and yes.. Nodic Paganism is really sweet.

I mean, let's compare to something more familiar, Christianity.

Both Norse Lore and the Bible have references to someone being given a test by God (or the Head God for polythiests), things going along smashingly, then a member of the pantheon with a penchant for mischief royally fucks things up for the one(s) being tested.

First up, Christianity: The Forbidden Tree.

So the big 'G' tells the first two people that they can hang-out in his super-awesome garden untill the end of time and help themselves to everything, except for the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil (dun-dun-Duuuuh.... actually it's more like the tree of the knowledge of how ragingly mediocre being a bog-standard human is, but it'll still suck to eat it).

Okay, no problem, but then this Snake (who, depending on what you accept as canon, may or may not have personally been Satan) comes along and tricks Eve into biting an apple from the tree who then gets Adam to bite it to and then everything is totally fucked.

Next, Norse Mythology: Slepnier's Origin Story.

Yeah, Slepnier, the amazing 8-legged wonderhorse who could travel ANYWHERE.

It all starts with Odin challenging a Giant to build a wall around all of Asgard (That's the Entire Viking Heaven, Valhalla and Sessrumnir and Thor's Outhouse and Everything, All of it. On top of that, he has one day to do it all and if he succeeds he gets Freyja's hand in marriage. If not, they'll let Thor play hammer-pattycake with his face untill he is dead. No problem, the Giant also has a Giant Horse, a giant Stallion to be more precise, and together they get to work and start throwing-up a wall in OMGWTF-time.

It actually looks like the Giant will get finished with time to spare when Loki decides to get up to a little trouble and turns Himself (I say again, HIMself) into a mare and goes and sluts it up around Mr. Giant Stallion-Horse. Mr. Giant Stallion-Horse cracks a Giant Stallion-Horse boner that would've caused Mr. Hands' intestines to violently explode just from looking at the thing and trots off to get himself some God-Mare nookie. The Giant loses the bet and his life and Loki gets an 8-legged mutant equine calling him 'Mommy'.

Now, compare and contrast.

In the Christian story we have Satan (maybe) fucking things up, how? He lied. He just lied. It wasn't even a bald-faced lie, he told Eve she'd 'be like God' which she would in that she'd realize how much she sucked by being human,which God already knows but he loves you anyway, except when he doesn't, then it's pillar-of-salt time. So he stretched the truth, he Fibbed, yay for the ultimate incarnation of evil in the Christian worldview.

Loki at the point in time when he had little Sleip-y wasn't yet the awsome Hel-God leading legions of the damned against all that is right and just that he's expected to become come Ragnarok, in this story he's pretty-much just a carefree trickster-deity... who grew a Cunt, got Giant-Fucking-Horsecock shoved directly into said orafice, then later passed an 8-legged God-Horse Hybrid out of same. That's one pretty Hardcore trickster to go that far for the sake of a practical joke.

It's no wonder Norse Paganism is so pants-shittingly awesome that it's actually experincing a sort of revival...

And double-plus name points go to 'The Fellowship of Anglo-Saxon Heathenry'

Swingin' low like Mjolnir.


The Complete List

About the Author

Miscellaneous Articles